Wow, it’s been awhile!
It’s audition time for the Christmas Revels and not matter how often I do this (and it’s relatively frequently) I get a case of the nerves. Not just a bottle but a whole case. I perform with decent regularity, mostly folkdance and singing. Sometimes onstage, sometimes in more informal contexts. I do confess that early on I would close my eyes while singing in a group – though not when dancing obviously! And I teach and do trainings and public speaking events. So it’s not like I’m out of practice of being in front of people “performing” in one way or another.
So it’s the judgement thing. The worry about being up to snuff. I didn’t sing in public from aged 10 to sometime in my 40’s. No school choir for me. My grade school didn’t have one and it didn’t occur to me I could sing in high school. So auditions bring all this back to me, the sense of imposter syndrome. And.
Call me a hypocrite but I do judge others, silently of course, if the writing is poor or the singing off key. I walk in horror of running into someone like me or rather someone like me who can’t keep their mouth shut. The people I’m auditioning for would never do that but not being cast for a chorus is tantamount to saying those things. At least that’s the story I tell myself in my fear.
Nonetheless, I’m putting on a feel-good outfit, running through my song, and getting ready to head out. You can’t get through a case of the nerves without drinking at least some of it.